i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
