There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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