Will you blow on my dice?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
