fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
