Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
