They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
