it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
