Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
