guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
