Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't notice because vodka
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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