So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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