he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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