can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
