I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
