I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The struggles of a small town man whore
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
