and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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