I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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