Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
