I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
