I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She bit a glass in half.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
