Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
