You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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