she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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