I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just gift wrapped bread.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
