I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
