This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
