We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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