I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
