If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
