how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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