he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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