Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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