did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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