If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
