i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
