we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
should my penis look like a turkey
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
