if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
