btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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