But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
