Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
