Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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