Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
