Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
