I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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