my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
