careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
