I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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