remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
A+ Viking dick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
