My cat gives me a boner
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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