I wish my penis had an off switch
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
