dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
